The Silence

I went and listened on Saturday. I went to Bonelli Park, walked around the water, sat at the shore, and just listened. I have been trying to make a decision, and as always this has forced me to not avoid this simple task of listening. I wouldn't say I'm uncomfortable with silence. I partake in silence most days in my job... encouraging others to partake in it as well. However, I more often find myself listening to the radio, reading a book, or watching TV. None of these are bad on their own, but I think I use them to avoid the silence and the fact that I need to listen more than I actually do. By not being near the silence, it's kinda like forcing God to yell so that I'll hear him. I laugh as I imagine God's voice going horse from yelling at me sometimes... all the while I beg for him to give me the answer I'm looking for. Silly little person I am.

I sat and watched the wake from the boats hit the shore, and thought how nice it was just to sit somewhere for a little bit and not "do" anything. In his book To Have or To Be Erich Fromm writes, "Activity, by and large, is socially recognized purposeful behavior that results in corresponding socially useful changes." Society gives me the impression that by listening and seeking after God, I am not actively "doing." I bet I'd be much more of the woman God wants me to be if I simply let myself "be" much more often.

Coincidentally (or not so much) the sermon at church today was along the same lines of listening and being with God. Someday I'll get it I suppose. Until then I'll just think back to sitting and watching the water splash on the shore.