Fish Canyon Falls

I hiked to Fish Canyon Falls this morning. It was just as great the second time (but a bit more crowded). It's great to be out of my everyday life and really experience the world. The sound of water rushing and animals moving around, the smell of dirt and leaves and streams (and unfortunately other people's odors), and the different and unusual sights. The heat wasn't even too bad. If you feel like you missed out... YOU DID! But there's always another weekend.

My birthday is coming... my birthday is coming!!

The Silence

I went and listened on Saturday. I went to Bonelli Park, walked around the water, sat at the shore, and just listened. I have been trying to make a decision, and as always this has forced me to not avoid this simple task of listening. I wouldn't say I'm uncomfortable with silence. I partake in silence most days in my job... encouraging others to partake in it as well. However, I more often find myself listening to the radio, reading a book, or watching TV. None of these are bad on their own, but I think I use them to avoid the silence and the fact that I need to listen more than I actually do. By not being near the silence, it's kinda like forcing God to yell so that I'll hear him. I laugh as I imagine God's voice going horse from yelling at me sometimes... all the while I beg for him to give me the answer I'm looking for. Silly little person I am.

I sat and watched the wake from the boats hit the shore, and thought how nice it was just to sit somewhere for a little bit and not "do" anything. In his book To Have or To Be Erich Fromm writes, "Activity, by and large, is socially recognized purposeful behavior that results in corresponding socially useful changes." Society gives me the impression that by listening and seeking after God, I am not actively "doing." I bet I'd be much more of the woman God wants me to be if I simply let myself "be" much more often.

Coincidentally (or not so much) the sermon at church today was along the same lines of listening and being with God. Someday I'll get it I suppose. Until then I'll just think back to sitting and watching the water splash on the shore.

Interested?

Anyone interested in a hike this Saturday? I've got a couple different trails I'm interested in (some are basic and some are medium). Let me know, I'd love the company.

BLAH

So after all the energy to change the way we correct misprints at work (see Bureau“crazy”), now the county has decided to go back to the old way of doing it. Probably because the new way took so much time, no actual work was getting done. Sometimes I just really, really love my job.

Oh, and by the way...it's the last week of April so all my paperwork is due, causing me have twice as much to do this week as usual. If I'm a bit... let's say "irritable" this weekend, now you know why. Long live the full time job.

Wasting Time

I hate putting out energy for something that is going to be wasted time. I look at the costs and benefits of expending energy (emotionally, physically, or financially), and then I make a decision regarding the worth of that choice.

I imagine it might be what creatures in nature think about... picture a squirrel: he's walking along a tree and he sees an acorn at the end of a branch. It's a thin branch and it would take a while to slowly go out to get it. He'd have to watch his balance, the direction of the wind, and be careful for nearby birds. By all accounts, he's doing the right thing by making a careful decision. The impulsive squirrel would run out to get the delicious acorn and fall right out of the tree. However, how long will the squirrel sit there weighing the risks until he makes his decision? He's trying to save time by making safe decisions but in the end is he really wasting time hiding behind fear?

I don't want to waste time afraid of wasting time. I don't want to spend all my time on one side of the branch staring at the acorn. I don't want to look back on my life and take pride in my lack of wounds and scars but only because I spent it weighing the risks and not actually taking any. I don't want to be afraid of falling out of the tree.

I just watched Lars and the Real Girl. It was recommended to me by a psychiatrist friend who said that it spoke well to the idea of meeting people where they are. It seems like we demand others to meet our needs, expectations, and beliefs. But how often do we meet people at the place where they are and just sit with them until they're ready. Do people really know when they are ready to move on in life? Can just being with someone be enough? All philosophical questions aside, the movie was entertaining. I'd recommend it.